I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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