Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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