Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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