Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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