The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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