yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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