she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize