i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
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I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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