I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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