Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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