just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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