T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize