I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
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I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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