I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked and annoyed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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