y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize