I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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