Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
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I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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