he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
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Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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