Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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