you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Two words: nipple clamps
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