The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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