This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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