My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize