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I think I just saw someone hide a body.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
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