walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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