watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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