I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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