Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
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He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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