Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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