i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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