so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize