Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize