my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
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How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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