Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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