I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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