im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize