At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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