If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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