Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize