We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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