Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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