I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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