i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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