Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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