Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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