Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
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So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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