He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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