how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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