I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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