Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping

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(415): there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping http://tfl.nu/vx2g

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(718): View more from New York

One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"

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(718): One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk" http://tfl.nu/wyyx

Replies (27) Good night (1834) Bad night (3949) Order T-Shirt
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(214): View more from Texas

hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?

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(214): hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming? http://tfl.nu/vu51

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!

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(402): The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE! http://tfl.nu/1ymk

Replies (63) Good night (1034) Bad night (7752)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.

(828): View more from North Carolina

Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner

(864): View more from South Carolina

Previous statement retracted.

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(864): If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay. (828): Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner (864): Previous statement retracted. http://tfl.nu/e7pe

Replies (46) Good night (13141) Bad night (1125)
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(347): View more from New York

drinking out of a sandbucket again

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(347): drinking out of a sandbucket again http://tfl.nu/dvop

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(334): View more from Alabama

God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.

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(334): God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises. http://tfl.nu/xfua

Replies (71) Good night (14670) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
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(906): View more from Michigan

I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.

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(906): I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap. http://tfl.nu/cxzw

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car

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(202): You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car http://tfl.nu/q6jc

Replies (1) Good night (1822) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
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(360): View more from Washington

There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.

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(360): There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe. http://tfl.nu/9hec

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(207): View more from Maine

This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.

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(207): This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand. http://tfl.nu/o8tl

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'

(701): View more from North Dakota

That's true love, there.

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(701): Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.' (701): That's true love, there. http://tfl.nu/22yh

Replies (0) Good night (738) Bad night (411)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.

(1-250): View more from British Columbia

Aspirations

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(250): My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him. (1-250): Aspirations http://tfl.nu/oh99

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(503): View more from Oregon

Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.

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(503): Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun. http://tfl.nu/5we2

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(703): View more from Virginia

I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.

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(703): I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone. http://tfl.nu/an49

Replies (5) Good night (243) Bad night (662)

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