I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize